My Happy Place:

Somewhere inside is a happy place that is safe from all the struggles and pain. Whenever I feel the weight of the world is pressing me down, I visit my happy place. It seems so long since I have been there I thought I wouldn't be able to find my way back.

I tried to find my way back to my happy place today. I found the sorrow and grief that seem to always be waiting on the surface. They are always there and they beg me to stay awhile; linger and feel the ache and emptiness that accompany them. They wrap warm arms around me like comforting friends. "Don't be afraid," they tell me. "Allow us to wash the pain away." Soon they are guiding me on my way. "You must go deeper to find your happy place," they say.

When I look back at them, they are fading, and I can see that sorrow and grief were merely memories untouched: the strong arms of my father, the scent of his work clothes, his warm quiet laugh, his gentle loving eyes.

I continue on the path to find my happy place and find it faintly lit by other memories long untouched: Ben standing proudly in cap and gown alongside friends who tread the same halls of his Alma mater; Joel standing at attention waiting to be tapped by encouraging family rushing through the excited crowd; all there for the same purpose.

The echo of voices tells me, "Deeper, deeper. You must go deeper to find your happy place." As I search the depths, so many memories light the way: friends smiling and touching; children hugging and kissing; music made through the years drifting through the air; family weeping and laughing; birthdays, weddings, holidays are all memories lighting the dark path to my happy place.

Just as I despair that my happy place is but a memory long past and lost forever, beaten down by worry, overcome by fear and emptiness; I feel a tug growing stronger, propelling me forward. Is this my happy place coming to greet me? 

Suddenly comfort and joy wrap me in their embrace and I find myself surrounded by what has been at the center of my heart all along. My happy place was not lost; it was not merely a memory untouched. My happy place is being in the center of unconditional love, and the secret to finding it is to let go of that to which I stubbornly and fearfully clutched for so long: ME.